on hope.

February 26, 2008

hope is a sordid crutch. i really wish that it didn’t have to be part of the human condition.

parker is, for lack of a better term, perfect. but i can’t stand how he makes me feel whenever the shakes of doubt.

he told me a secret which i don’t see fit to repeat here, even behind a password. this could ruin everything between us…and i can’t stand this suspense. worst bit is that there’s nothing i can do but be patient. how cruel is that?

seriously! i’ve known him for twenty-five days! and already, this is how things are going! kevin keystone, i should have taken your advice! don’t date an art fag – don’t even think about it! so why is it so fucking hard to do so?

sure, i’m a good person with good qualities. it’s a shame i can’t make myself believe this…’cause if your regular joe can find some little thing called “love” or whatever, and if everyone says that i’m a worthy man (or something like that), what the hell is wrong with me?

i don’t really want to be single. not at all. i want to feel the way that i do with parker. but when the going is good! there’s no reason why it should be an ordeal at this stage.

i was never meant for you, parker, so go ahead and dump me in 45 minutes. you’ve given me your reason, and i have no choice but to accept it. just say it so that i can get on with my life.

i’m as ready as i’ll ever be.


One Response to “on hope.”

  1. Charles Says:

    talk to me whenever you need, honey. hugs.

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