deflections, reflections, refractions.

September 15, 2010

as usual, there’s no shortage of bizarre happenings in my life these days!

i’ve quit working at the Big Shiny Nightclub. not to speak ill of my former employers – I learned a lot from them – but working the granville circus was not my cup of tea. i’ve moved over to the Small Shadowy Nightclub, where the people are nicer, the work is less stressful and the tips are bigger. and they’re giving me bar shifts already. like, holy shit, man! plus, the social cohesion is fantastic. i feel like i’m part of a family already…and in a sense, that i’ve always been a part of this family. ’cause it’s true – i’m one of those social misfits that the ol’ boys’ club loves to hate, you see. (thankfully, this is mostly ’cause they’re jealous.)

the party planning has been taking off. there’s a lot of work there, but we’re doing exceptionally well for ourselves. suffice it to say, running a monthly boozer, a monthly afterhours and – soon – a trashy thursday night at the local dyke bar is taxing.

plus, there’s the question of school. oh, that little thing! i’m taking a compressed 9-month business program at BCIT. it’s eight classes a term. i don’t care to do the actual calculations, but the coursework is double what i would usually take at UBC. like, holy-freakin’-shit man. it’s a lot, but i’ll pull through it somehow.

so, yeah. i’ve got a part-time job at a bar, a part-time gig running a business and a full-time student career. i guess that nobody can call me lazy, at least!

which is good, of course. ’cause i am finding that this overload is helping me to cope with the fact that – as winter creeps forward, as people inch closer to marriage – i’m still single. well, ok. it’s not helping me to cope. but it makes a boyfriend at this point in time virtually impossible. not that anyone cares, of course. it’s the same old thing, really.  since i became a minor public figure, the boys don’t care for me much – ’cause i’m “that guy” – and between that and my being a closet weirdo, it’s a recipe for solid singledom.

not that i’ve ever had much luck in my courtships. there’s no one issue that stands out, but i’m sure the fact that i resist categorization in any kind of social taxonomy in this gay world has something to do with it. i’m not really any “type” – i fall into the gaps in between many of them. and i don’t want to be a type – but that rejection comes at a price.

and for all i say about how awful body fascism is, i realized tonight – on my way back from the gym – why i hate it so much: i loathe it because i’m a victim of it.

sure, my self-esteem has higher and lower moments. and this will pass, i’m sure. the thing is that i feel that i’m ready to try that great journey called love, and i am completely lost with neither map nor compass.

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2 Responses to “deflections, reflections, refractions.”

  1. Milan Says:

    I am glad to hear the new place is suiting you better. Good luck with the romantic search – they always seem rather difficult when one is actively looking.

  2. Alex Says:

    Things seem to be going really well. 🙂


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